Sunday, November 13, 2011

They Want A War? I'll Give Them A War!

Sorry Thanksgiving, even I'm passing you up (for a moment).

It seems like every year after Halloween all the Christmas decorations go up. Hell, if you're Target you put them out on Halloween. Thanksgiving is entirely bypassed by most stores. I have yet to walk in to any store and see any Thanksgiving decorations, promotions, ads, or any kind of acknowledgment that the holiday exists.  It's all Christmas stuff. So by now you're probably thinking to yourself, "Self, everyone knows this. Why is he going on about things we can all readily see?" And I think that is a good question. The reason I bring this up is The War On Christmas.

That's right. There is supposedly a war on Christmas going on as we speak (read, whatever). My problem is that I have never seen any evidence of the war. There certainly aren't Hanukkah decorations in my work place. No Kwanza decorations either. Every year we hear from Limbaugh and O'Reilly about this conspiracy to eradicate Christmas. They rail against people and companies who say "Happy Holidays!" because this is America, and in America we celebrate Christmas goddammit! I guess the strategy of making all of your customers feel welcome makes you unAmerican. Again, I don't see any evidence that this is the case.

Let's take a quick sidetrack. I, personally, despise Christmas. I find the materialism of it to be sickening, the fake care for ones fellow man that fades after the holiday sickening, really all of it. It's a commercialized sensationalized holiday that I feel has no value. I do enjoy spending time with family during the holiday season, but I enjoy that year-round. That's about where my enjoyment of Christmas ends. I don't like decorating, gift giving, gift receiving, or carols.

I hate this attitude
With all of that said, I have decided I am going to wage an actual war on Christmas. It's not a conspiracy, it's not secretive, I'm going right out into the open. I am waging a full on war against this holiday. I will say "Happy Holidays" to everyone. I will refuse to partake in the festivities that are Christmas specific. I will actively denounce the materialism that is inherit in the holiday nowadays. I will spread a message of caring about your fellow humans year-round. Part of my war on Christmas will be to research the pagan holidays that Christmas borrowed heavily from and share them with my readers. There are some fascinating festivals from around the world. I'm hoping that by doing so I will show that Christmas is a patchwork of pagan holidays with a dash of Christianity added and a heaping scoop of materialism. This is the strategy that I am hoping will bring the holiday to it's knees.

This is what my War On Christmas will most likely look like.

So stay tuned for fun Christmas history and join me in my march on Christmas!


  1. Christmas wars! Episode 1, the Reverend Menace??

  2. Cry havok and unleash the dogs of Christmas war!

    If you really want to throw Christian for a loop, tell them, "Blessed Yule."

  3. I must point out that Wal-Mart has/had one aisle of Thanksgiving stuff.

  4. I'm pretty shocked! But I don't shop Walmart much, so I'm not surprised I haven't seen it.